she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
