the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
