I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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