this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
