I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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