In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
