Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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