I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
