Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
