One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Couch. On fire.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
