he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
