i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
