every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
