Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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