Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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