Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
