my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
