in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
