It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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