Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
