Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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