she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I just shit out all my problems.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
