Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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