When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize