JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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