haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate all girls vehemently.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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