I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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