I am spending my child support on dildos
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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