Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
