I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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