It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
