I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
