Will you blow on my dice?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
