The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
