Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
