I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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