I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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