I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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