I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
operation have a gay friend backfired
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
should my penis look like a turkey
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
