I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
