Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
