you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
