how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
