he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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