A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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