I think I am morally bankrupt
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
