I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
