Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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