come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize