So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
