Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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