I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
