It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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