He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
