We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
