Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
