Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
