I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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