Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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