i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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