Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
