What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I faked an abortion last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize