I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
