Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
