at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
