and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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