I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
