Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
