Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
