Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
