She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
