Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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