At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
