I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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