She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
