i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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