I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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