Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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