like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
