i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
