party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We left an ass print on the piano.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
